It Was All Fun and Games…Till You Ended Up Pregnant by Lil Wayne

It Was All Fun and Games…Till You Ended Up Pregnant by Lil Wayne

Which has got to suck! I am not trying to be mean to Lauren London, but I don’t care how good of a rapper Weazy may be, publically being known as one of his baby dramas…I mean mommas, has got to suck. Outside of the fact that I have become scarily curiously about what Weazy must be packing, and that I am dreading his soon to come reality TV show (which I bet is in the works), I have to wonder HOW women wind up in these “situation”!!!!  How do we miss all the big signs that scream and yell that a man is TROUBLE! How do we wind up some mans 5th baby mama, mad, hurt, disappointed, bitter, with all our good year behind us.

Then it dawned on me. Maybe its not that we miss the BIG signs, maybe we miss the little subtle signs. The ones that tell you that the dinners he bought or the nights you spent mean nothing to him. Or the ones that should have told us there was no real longevity in this situation, not to invest waste those 5 years, that he was never ever going to marry you, or make you happy, or change, or that you in fact are just his scrape (a recent term I learned from a male friend that’s meaning is just as bad as it sounds). We all know or at least have heard the simple rules. You know the ones that tell you if he doesn’t call, he’s not interested in you. Or if you never spend holidays together, or he only texts you, never spends the night, only contacts you after 10pm, never makes plans with you and never takes you out, you’re his scrape. If you need me to rehash all those rules, then this is not the blog for you. You require much more assistance than I can provide through this blog. I am not a therapist.

But maybe I can help the rest of us.  There are some other rules that we look past too often. And we must stop, so I wrote a song about them, want to hear them, here they go:

He apologizes with gifts- I don’t care how fly that Vanessa Bryant ring may look, don’t let it fool you. When a man commits a “gift worthy offense” (and you plan on staying), the best and most valuable gift he can give you is a sincere apology and a genuine intent not to repeat said offense. If his actions are not tied to remorse, the gift he buys you to say I am sorry are worthless. WORTHLESS. Your pride, self worth and HAPPINESS should not be for sale. Now, if you would prefer the ring or equally expensive gift, I have no advice for you. You and I hold totally different views and values, so you can continue to read on or stop here. It is up to you…

He uses the word “marriage” like it is a Karat at the end of a stick- Let’s face it, I am 30th! Yes, I would like to get married one day and yes I want children one day. Unfortunately I am old fashion and want them in that order, which makes my early 30’s a crucial time in my life. Most men dating a childless woman in this age range should know this even though they like to play dumb. If years into your relationship, knowing you’re looking to go to the next, level he continually uses the phase like “If you want to get married..” or “or I’m not going to marry you until…” or buys you a ring, but refuses to set a date, he is buying time and probably NOT going to marry you, nor should you want him to. Please do not give him an ultimatum. I have a theory that at least half of the unhappy marriages out there began with an ultimatum. Most men I know who chose their wives knew immediately (or very close to it) that she was “her” or could be. It’s ok not to be her, stop chasing that Karat..its ok…move on.

He Just Doesn’t Get It- And Won’t fake itFrustrated much? Always talking in circles about why he shouldn’t stand you up or why you’re hurt that he forgot you birthday, or why he should take single off his status on Facebook or why him sending that sex-text to his ex was inappropriate and disrespectful. Does he try and make you seem like you are jealous or insecure when you say something about the offense. Ever find yourself trying to justify staying with him with phrases like “BUT, he is such a good man” or “he treats me good BUT…” or “I am happy most of the time BUT…” If you find it hard to compliment your man without thinking of the BUTS even if you have long since stopped sharing them with others, this is not a happy healthy relationship. Move on…

He won’t help you move- Did you move and can’t get your man to help you? Seriously? I could probably round up 3 platonic guys friends to help me on a bad day. Unless he is disabled or legally blind, your man not wanted to help you move is a very bad sign. Move on…

His penis is afraid of condoms- Yuck. I know we all want to think we are special, but if a man is extra willing to have unprotected sex with you right out the gate, without asking you any very important like “when was your last AIDS test” or “Let got get tested first” or the mother of all…he penis shrivels up and goes into hiding at the sound of a condom wrapper…RUN. Run fast, run hard. Hide, change your number and the run again. He has the Lil Wayne syndrome. Run. You have been warned.

He is rude to servers- He is rude at the stores. Rude to the lady behind the counter. Rude to the cleaning lady. Rude to the manager. In fact, dude is rude to everybody but you! Well just you wait! Your turn is coming. I can guarantee you that. He is a jerk and a jerk will always eventually be a jerk to you as well. I don’t care how sweet he treats you, this is the mother of all subtle signs. Unless you’re a rude person as well. If you are…carry on!

He talk negatively about the past- Are you seriously 35 still talking about the chance you had to go to the league, but got cut. Or the ex who broke your heart and used you when you were 22. Or the professor who failed you. Or the last job you had that didn’t promote you. Or how the man is trying to keep you down. Wow…you sound so tragic. Run. He is a blamer. Takes no responsibility for his own action, is incapable of moving on, is carrying a man purse (also known as baggage), and will add you to his list of things that have gone wrong in his life…eventually…

He favorite word is “I”- I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I! Gosh do you know any other word? I can’t stand it. Moving on…

Okay I am done. Hope this blog makes sense I am sick and slightly drunk on nightquil PLUS suffering from cabin fever (please stop the rain). Can someone please beat up Tony Toni Tone….apparently it does rain in Southern California!

2 thoughts on “It Was All Fun and Games…Till You Ended Up Pregnant by Lil Wayne

  1. I love, love, love this blog!!! You put it so plainly, and I wish it was this simple for most women…*smacking my teeth* oh well!!! LOL!!!

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