It’s JUST Facebook… calm down
Geeeesh! I hate to have to dedicate an entire blog to facebook, but here we go…
In case YOU the person who inspired this blog is reading this, for the record, I was not ignoring all of your facebook emails! As a matter of fact I didn’t see them because they were buried under 300 club invitations and reminders, that I ALSO did not check
often. AND I am sorry I missed the 50th party mixer you threw this year, maybe next time you can send an email, text, call or even a good ole evite! And as long as I am making declarations, no I wasn’t ignoring your Facebook IM’s either, I know the computer says I am “logged on”, but computers lie! I am absent minded and left my computer on. Gosh, I wasn’t sitting there the whole time, I actually have a job! Lastly, no my status was not directed at you, nor was my note, or comments. I don’t know what to tell you, shrug, your really not that important. I have a REAL life outside of Facebook, PLUS…it’s JUST facebook, calm down.
I think some of you are taking this social networking things WAY to seriously. Here are some signs that YOU may be taking this Facebook things a little too seriously as well:
Friendemies- Are you serious? Are you really having a full blow argument with a facebook friend on your facebook wall? Tagging them in post and going back in forth on each other’s page making threats? Telling each other’s business? How old are you? That’s is what delete and blocking was made for! Why in the world would you leave this person on your page besides to keep your friend count? Seriously? If your having a public facebook spat on your wall, you are officially taking facebook too seriously!
Friend Phishing- I don’t know you well enough to have 50 friends in common with you. Wait… now I have 100? Wait, how do you know my best friend, my co-worker, my niece and my mom? Something is phishy here!!!! Did you really just add me and go through all my facebook friend and send them add requests as well? Who in the WORLD has that much time on their hands!!!!! I am going to need you to get off my page and to get a REAL life!
5000 Friends- Are you a celebrity? Do you have a business? If you answered no to the questions above and you spend your days adding new friends to get your “count up,” something is wrong. Is this a popularity contest? Is there a prize at the end? Or maybe I am taking Facebook too seriously because I don’t add everyone. Guess we will never know…
Fake Hater…haters… haters- You have haters? Seriously? This is a big enough problem in your life that you have to post notes to them every other day on Facebook? “Thank you to the haters” “”Haters make me stronger” “Where would I be without my haters.” I find very few things more perplexing than a persons whose life is permeated with mediocrity, constantly complaining about haters. Hating on what? The following people may have haters: President Obama, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, John F Kennedy. You do not have haters, please stop it (and no I am not hating on you).
The Grandiose Life- I guess it is easy to be an egotistical maniac in facebook, but while you are posting pictures in the VIP and bragging about popping bottles in the club and rolling on dubs or whatever people roll on these days, PLEASE remember, some of us know you in real life! Your life is not that grand and your income does not support the lifestyle you’re faking. Quit padding your online image, its ok. Really it is… it just Facebook…
Wall Pissing- Okay I got it, he is your man. Do you really have to comment on every one of his post, be the first and last comment on his status’, write “hey babe, just thinking about you” or “I enjoyed last night” on his wall. You tag him in all your pictures and post them on his wall. You cannot be that insecure! If you validate your relationship through his Facebook page, you might just be taking Facebook too seriously!
Profile Stalker- The only thing worse than the wall pisser is the profile stalker. Did you REALLY just click on everybody’s profiles who commented on his page? Try and see how he knows them, if he is in their pictures, commenting on their walls, or how many friends you have in common. OMG…did I get an add request from you? I know what you’re doing! Why are you so crazy? You can’t even hide it! Hell no! Deny!
TMI (Too Much Information)- OMG…I really did not need to know that your period is late or that you think all men are dogs. I don’t need to know your sexual fines, that your late on your car note, that you hate your mom or that the doctor said that rash was “no biggie”. I also would prefer not to see pictures of you in the bathtub or any other half naked pictures in the bathroom. What in da hell! Keep it light, keep it generic and by all means keep it to yourself!
Rejection Notes- Mad that I didn’t add you to my page? Did you just send me a note telling me “It’s not that serious?” LOL…APPARENTLY it is that serious! It is serious enough for you to send an add request, check up on it and write a note about it because I didn’t add you. I don’t know you! Get over it.
De-friending Notes- Along the same lines… how did you even know I deleted you? You have 5000 friends! You actually know exactly how many friends you have and notice when one is missing? What makes matter worse is your able to figure out who the de-friender is and send them a note! Gosh… I didn’t know I was that special!
Facebook Player- This aint match.com. Why are you going through random facebook pages, and send notes to women you don’t know telling them they are beautiful and you want to take them out! Seriously…
Ok, I am out. Sorry if this offends anyone, but like I always say… you should be WAY more upset if it is a reflection of your life!
I am out!